My entire life, I've lived for the next stage (college, marriage, becoming a parent) thinking that once I reached whatever marker was next, my spiritual life would finally be at the point that I had always dreamed it would be...especially when it came to this stage of being a mom.
In years past, when I imagined myself in this role, I always thought I would be wiser and stronger than ever before and that everything would be just as it should, but the truth is that I have often felt so weak. There have been many days when I place worry and fear above my hope and trust in the Lord.
I wonder if Anniston is eating enough (or so much that she spits up), if she is reaching her milestones on time, and if she is being over-stimulated or under-stimulated. I fear that giving her the pacifier often will affect her speech, wonder if she is sleeping too little or too long at nap time, and worry that she will be okay during the night. worry, worry, worry...
But then I hear a whisper in my soul.
He tells me that He is in control and that He has given me this moment in time to soak up what is good instead of fretting the unknown or the unimportant.
It's been a daily battle, but the fear and worry are dwindling. I never realized before just how much control I desire and how little control I actually have. I've been getting into His Word more and rebuking these fears, and I can honestly say that I feel lighter. That word, light, is the best way I can describe His love and grace right now. Jesus said "my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:30) So true.