Monday, January 11, 2010

to be honest


We've had a rough couple of weeks.  Rough, but wonderful.  I guess that's how spiritual battles usually are...difficult because we're in the middle of a fight, but amazing knowing whose side we're on in this trial. 

The truth is that Anniston has been having some mild seizures lately, but she is doing great.  I almost hate to say seizure because I know the image that first comes to my mind when hearing that load-bearing word, but these spells look nothing like what we saw shortly after her stroke or how I have ever imagined one to appear.  It's really just a repetitive movement on her affected side because her brain is still healing.  We've been told that these episodes are not causing any damage, but her doctors want to get them under control as soon as possible for various reasons.  It appears that either her body is not accepting her seizure medicine like it had in the beginning or that she has just outgrown her previous dosage due to another major growth spurt.  (The latter is a very likely culprit seeing that she has gained half a pound in only a week!)  We've upped her dosage for the last week (per her neurologist's orders), and the episodes seem to be improving...the duration and frequency have been pretty constant, but they don't seem to be quite as strong as they were a week ago.

None of that sounds too bad, right?  It's really not, but can I just say that I think this has been the most difficult time Stan and I have had since she was born?  Crazy, right?  She's been through so much, and God has done an amazing work in her little body from the beginning, but we have been so very attacked.  Honestly, we're tired and ready to be past all of these trials with her health.  He's been chipping away at us a lot this year, and all for good reason, I know, but it's hard.  We just want to be normal, but I'm sure letting go of this selfishness is part of the lesson we're supposed to learn here.

Everything I've already written is true.  Yes, we've seen these things with Anniston's health lately, and yes, it's been tough for me and Stan, but if there's anything I've learned this year (thanks to the Lord and a couple of incredibly wise mentors in our town), it's that we are of a Higher truth.  Just as a sweet friend reminded me the other day :  "He is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within us."  (Ephesians 3:20)  He is more powerful than any diagnosis, sin, heartache, financial crisis, dispute, etc that any of us may be walking through right now.  

I don't want to be bound by my human thoughts and fears, and I don't want to limit God or hinder Him from doing the amazing work that He wants to do in our family.  Stan actually walked into the room the other day just glowing...it was like the truth hit him hard (and me in that moment) that God's power is actually IN us.  I'm sure the Lord gets frustrated with us for not accepting that strength and peace that He suffered for and has made available to us...if we would just receive it.  Utilize it.  Make it our own.  This is where we are and what we're learning, and it's freeing.

It seems as though there are always so many praises to give our Lord when these struggles come.  Could it be that the enemy is trying to distract us from the "power that is at work within us"?  I whole-heartedly believe so.  My focus needs to be on these praises, so here they are!!:  Like I have mentioned many times lately, Anniston is growing fast!  If there is ever a doubt that a "cardiac-kid", as they call them, is doing well, the first question asked is:  "How are the feeds?"  Well, if you have ever seen her eat, you know that Anniston is a VERY good and eager eater.  Praise!!  We went back to the pediatrician last Wednesday, and he listened to her heart and said it was pumping nice and easy!  Praise!!  Also, since birth, Anniston has been on a calcium supplement, and her doctor wanted to test her levels to see if low calcium could be contributing to her having these episodes.  The nurse called Friday to tell me that her levels are within the normal range!!!  I cannot express how huge this is because she has definitely grown lots since that dosage was initially administered (meaning that she has been weaning herself from that dose just by gaining weight).  Also, when your body is under stress, calcium levels typically drop, but hers are obviously not too low!  Praise again!!

Do you have any praises or requests?  After talking so much about us and our circumstances, I am convicted that I'm not looking outside of myself as I should.  I'd love to pray for you and/or to rejoice with you in your walk.  Much love always...


14 comments:

Lydia & GT said...

Lindsey--I stumbled on your blog through someone else's. Not even sure if you remember me from Tech. But I also have a little girl, she is a 2 months younger than Anniston. When I found your blog, I went back and read from your ultrasound at 20 weeks. I cried through reading most of the rest.

Since reading, I dont think a day has gone by when I havent looked at Audrie and thought about you, your husband and Anniston. I cannot even begin to imagine the things yall have gone through and continue going through.

Everytime I think of yall, I pray for God's continued healing for Anniston. I pray for you and Stan's peace and strength.

God has taught me alot through reading yalls experience. First- I AM SO SELFISH! I get nervous about Audrie not reaching a milestone on time or I think about when I was complaining about being on bed rest in the hospital for 2 weeks before her birth. This has reminded me to stop and be thankful for what we do have. Second- you said this in one of your posts, how little control we have. you were so right. We really dont have any control. This has reminded me daily that I have to give Audrie to the Lord, because she belongs to Him only.

I will continue praying for your family. I just wanted to share a little of what was on my heart.

the Jennings secede from the South said...

You are doing an amazing job as a Mom and directing your family towards Jesus! Thanks for posting this, lady!

Carey said...

Girl,

I will definitely be praying for yall! Remember we serve a Super Natural God! Just as you said, He isn't bound by any circumstance or our earthly perspective!!
Since you asked, I would love for you to pray about my job...long story that I'm choosing not to worry about, but would love prayer!
Thanks so much!
I love you!

The Albritton's said...

Linds,

For some reason I have been GLUED to Phil Wickhams new CD lately. I serisouly cannot turn it off when I get into my car. There is one song in particular I actually listened to on repeat my ENTIRE drive to work this morning. I am not sure if you have heard it but it is called "Safe". It has been a huge blessing to me and for some reason I feel like I need to share it with you! :)

I love you and am praying for you guys! I am excited to get to see you SOON! Your faith and endurance is such an encouragement to me!

Christina

"GG"s Journal said...

Reading your note and your friends comments brought tears to my eyes. I'm so thankful you and Stan know where to turn in every situation... whether good or difficult. Also, you are so blessed to have wise and caring friends who love and pray for you and our precious little Anniston. If I haven't told you lately please know your mama if VERY proud of you as a daughter and the woman and friend you have become to me and others. God has blessed you with an awesome husband who stands beside you and seeks God's will and wisdom for his family. What an honor it is to call him son-in-law. Even though this past year has been difficult God has allowed me to see mainly the JOY Anniston has brought to our lives. She continues to make my heart swell with a love I never knew grandmothers could have.

Continue seeking HIM and HE will show HIMSELF to you and others.

Love, Hugs and Kisses to all of you,

mom "GG"

The McCormick Family said...

It sounds to me like Anniston is so lucky to have parents like you during this time in her life. I see so many kids in my field of work who go through health struggles and don't have the family support they deserve. It sounds like you and Stan are setting a perfect example for Anniston by trusting in God, even if it is difficult at times. Keep up the faith! I will keep on praying for your beautiful little girl and your family:)

Heather Broom said...

Lindsey, thank you for sharing this post and your ups and downs during this journey. You have blessed me so much, and I admire y'all so much for your strength and unwavering faith in God through all this. I'm praying for y'all and will always continue to do so. Love you.

Kristen T said...

Lindsey, Thanks for sharing your heart. I can't imagine how difficult this past year has been for you and Stan. God is using you and your family to glorify himself. I pray you will continue to find comfort in the Truth and claim His promises during those times when you feel weak and empty. I love you girl!!

Jordan said...

Keep trusting and praying. It's hard, I know but He really does have a plan, even through the worst days. I will be praying for your family.

Since you asked, could you please pray for my college decision? It would mean so much! Here is a link explaining the story : http://jmccaskey.blogspot.com/2010/01/tough-choices.html

Thank you so much :)

jessie said...

i'm saying a special prayer for y'all tonight! please pray for me to! get meg to tell you why; i'm not ready to publicise it to the blog world... but, i could use some big ones right about now. you're probably one of the most spiritual persons i know and we've never really met! i gain so much strength from your blogs... just thought i'd let you know. :)

Rachel said...

Lindsey & Stan, if anyone can relate to where you are, it would be David and I. I particularly remember a day when I just did not know what else to do, so I threw a bowl, and broke it. I guess I thought a broken bowl could "fix" Wes. But it didn't. We have been through some of the hardest times. I have cried more tears. I have prayed and prayed. I have had my times of doubting, which can be expected, as we are all human. It took me years to realize MY dream for Wesley and how he fit into OUR family, was NOT God's. I can honestly say Wesley has blessed us EVERY DAY! The joy he brings to our family, the lives he touches, the lessons we learn from him and Him....trust me, it is all worth it! Remember, you both, as well as Anniston, are just mere pieces of God's "puzzle". We don't know how the pieces fit together. But with any "puzzle", every piece is important. Don't ever forget that! I hope you know how dear you are to us. If there is ANYTHING we can do or share, or even just listen, all you have to do is say the word. You both are doing an unbelievable job with that precious girl. God GAVE Anniston to you, He picked YOU. How awesome is THAT! He never gives us more than we can handle. You are examples of that truth. We love you guys (I know Wes does!) Rachel

Scott Woodard said...

Lindsey- I am so sorry to hear about Annistons seizures- I had no idea yall were going through this. I am constantly amazed by your strength and faith. You are awesome, wonderful THE best parents and I look up to you. I cannot wait to get sweet Anniston in m arms. How precious are our little gifts from God??!!

Lamar said...

Lindsey and Stan, I feel so helpless tonight- not knowing of all this- but I do continue to pray daily for Anniston and the precious baby she is. There is strength in God for you and all of us. She has such a purpose here and will be such a gift for all.We treasure the time we will be with her again and get to hold her. Bless you all- our Love Aunt Lynne and Uncle Lamar.

Shelley said...

Hey Lindsey,

My name is Shelley...I went to church with Stan his family in Ruston, growing up. I saw your blog on a friend's blog and read your post. I haven't gotten a chance to go back and read about what happened with Anniston...but it sounds similar to what happened to my little girl. I would love to talk...I've never met another young mother who has gone through this with her firstborn. If you feel like emailing, my email address is shell_134@hotmail.com. I think it would be comforting to share with you. It certainly would help talking to someone who knows how it feels. Look forward to hearing from you!